“And the Dumbass Democratic Voters Award of 2016 goes to …”

Our latest column from William Thomas

THE PEOPLE OF THE PHILLIPINES AND DIRTY DUTERTE. On Monday, May 9, 2016, the people of the Republic of the Philippines decided they needed a change. After 30 years of democratic rule since getting rid of the dictator Ferdinand Marcos and the shoe factory he was married to, corruption and nepotism drove Filipinos to drastic change. So last spring the people in all 7,641 Philippine islands voted for a mass murderer to become their protector and president. That’s right, Filipinos looked deep into the toilet of third-world politics and up popped Rodrigo Duterte. Duterte has used both police and vigilante groups to summarily execute more than 6,000 citizens who were believed to be involved in illegal drugs. This sure cleaned out the backlog of court cases, but still seems somewhat extreme in a country where citizens are supposed to be charged and put on trial.

President Duterte not only brags about killing his own citizens, he also boasts about raping women. Duterte once told his soldiers that they were allowed to rape three women each, but … “if you marry four, son of a whore you will be beaten up.” This dually-elected president of 100 million people also joked about the 1989 rape and murder of an Australian missionary claiming he should have been “first in line.” So good on ya, voters of the Philippines, you win the “Dumbass Democratic Voters Aw… No! Wait!

THE BRITS AND BREXIT. Just six weeks after President Duterte celebrated his inauguration by using a couple of pot-smoking teenagers for target practice, the people of Great Britain decided they could do death one better. In an ill-advised federal referendum, the Brits unplugged their own life support system and committed political suicide.

Ruin Britannia began with a cowardly act by Prime Minister David Cameron to call a referendum on the nation’s divorce from the European Union instead of staring down a group of narrow-minded nationalists in his own party. Nobody believed a vote to exit the EU would succeed except a wide range of extremely pissed-off people who knew next to nothing about the subject at hand.

Out with the baby and bath water went David Cameron, the economy, jobs, banks, good wages and the British Isles as we once knew them. In came inflation, a devalued pound, higher prices on food, housing, travel and imported goods. Estimates of job losses go as high as 80,000 over the next two years and the U.K. Independent Party that won the referendum has now collapsed. With the land mines of terrorism, mass migration, worldwide hacking and climate change planted all around them – the Brits voted to go it alone rather than rely on the support of 28 other countries. That’s an even worse decision than Prince Charles tossing aside a beautiful princess in favour of a Rottweiler! So congratulations you balmy bunch of pub crawlers, you win the 2016 award for the “Dumbass Democratic Voters …” No! Wait!

THE AMERICANS AND DONALD TRUMP. On a Tuesday, November 9, 2016, just four-and-a-half months after Brits locked themselves in the Tower of London, Americans came to the polls

in droves to do one better. “Leaving an organization is easy,” they said. “We, on the other hand will relocate our country to another planet!” And they did! Using ballot boxes like rocket fuel, American right-wing voters removed their nation from the World of Reality and sent it spinning into space where it has made a rather hard landing on the planet Looney Tunes, it’s surface covered with fairy dust and spent shells.

Watching the insanity of this White House gang of sycophants, bumbling billionaires and truth deniers, it is safe to say that President Donald Trump has become more of a cartoon figure than Shrek. The plot line of the animated film has the ogre making deals in order to take back his swamp after it is was overrun by fairy tale creatures. Wait! That’s President Trump’s national strategy as well. So little difference between the green monster that croaks and the bloated, hairy buffoon that tweets.

If with the flick of his claw, Larry The Lobster was making decisions at the highest level of the United States government – I would bet my car he’d have a 75% higher success rate than Donald Trump.

Watching the once most powerful and democratic country in the world reducing itself to a gong show at a daycare centre is still highly entertaining provided of course, the ogre doesn’t get us all killed. So yeah, you whacky Fox News ‘Yankee Doodles,’ you win the “Dumbass Democratic …” No! Wait! It’s a tie!

THE RUSSIANS AND VLAD THE IMPALER. According to their “Most Outstanding Person In History” poll last week, 38 percent of Russians voted for the Soviet dictator Josef Stalin while 34 percent cast their ballots for the current dictator Vladimir Putin. Best historical estimates reveal Josef Stalin murdered as many as 60 million Russians who opposed him. During Vladimir Putin’s reign of terror, it’s believed he has killed only 38 of his critics. A long way to go, but it seems Russian voters are hoping he can still close that gap.

Running for their lives out the door of this lunatic asylum we call a world, the guards threw the keys over the wall and into the outstretched hands of the inmates. Ignorance plus anger equals disaster.

Look, I understand the horrible consequence of a voter making a irreparable mistake at the ballot box. I once voted for Brian Mulroney. It’s this international movement of mass stupidity I just can’t get my head around.

For comments, ideas and copies of The Legend of Zippy Chippy, go to www.williamthomas.ca.

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