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It’s the pessimists, not the meek that will inherit the earth

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It’s the pessimists, not the meek that will inherit the earth

Our latest column by William Thomas Asbestos, Quebec is changing its name to dissociate itself from all the deadly illnesses it’s open-pit mining caused. The people of Asbestos have reason to be pessimistic. In Haight, California, Haight Elementary School just changed its name to Love Elementary. Haight was pretty pessimistic until it was rescued by […]

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Statistics that will make your eyes pop out!

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Statistics that will make your eyes pop out!

Our latest column from William Thomas And before we get started, 50% of people who have Graves disease also suffer from proptosis, an ophthalmology condition in which your eyes pop out. Statistics–meaningless and boring facts that are ruining everything we watch, read or listen to. Baseball writers can’t insert enough anagrams into their articles like […]

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My own self-imposed travel ban due to severe brain cramp

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My own self-imposed travel ban due to severe brain cramp

Our latest column from William Thomas After many years of international travel, I’m thinking that particular part of my life should probably come to a close. Looking back at the highlight reel of my globetrotting days I have come to the conclusion that I might be too stupid to travel. There was that long-ago train […]

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Canadians are on the move! And headed for hell in some very unique ways

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Canadians are on the move! And headed for hell in some very unique ways

Our latest column from William Thomas Canada is a nation of movers but not necessarily shakers. We are people of action but with no guarantee of satisfaction. We are men in motion, perpetual but not always purposeful and women think that’s so damn funny, they’re constantly overcome by emotion. Recently a 29-year-old guy was speeding […]

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Inextricably drawn together–Donald J. Trump and the toilet

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Inextricably drawn together–Donald J. Trump and the toilet

Our latest column from William Thomas So after starting a trade war with China and threatening France with the same, after personally attacking Prime Minister Justin Trudeau then escalating the war with Iran by assassinating their defense minister, after assisting Turkey in their war against his own allies, the Kurds–President Donald Trump declared war against […]

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Royals to Canada? Good luck with Canada Customs!

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Royals to Canada? Good luck with Canada Customs!

Our latest column from William Thomas A Canada Customs arrival booth, Vancouver International Airport, Vancouver. January 23, 2020. “NEXT!” Custom agent: “Just the two of you travelling together?” “Yes sir. We had a baby but we left him…where’d we leave him, honey? Oh yeah, in some mansion on Vancouver Island.” “Names?” “I’m Harry and this […]

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